The 7 Insaanee Miracles Of Baba Ram Rahim

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The 7 Insaanee Miracles Of Baba Ram Rahim 4.00/5 (80.00%) 5 votes

Look, I don’t want to be another Kiku Sharma and therefore, have decided to stick to reality and report about the human (Insanee) miracles performed by Baba Ram Rahim ji.

I don’t want to go into accusations against him about rape, murder, castration, imitating Gods, and bad acting. I am too scared to do it.

But I’m too eager to focus on what his website says about him — especially about the miracles he has performed.

Miracle # 1: Financial Abandonment

This great saint has purposefully nicked himself as “Hazoor Maharaj Saint Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh Ji Insan.”

This is a fantastic move because with such a long name, no finance company in the world will ever approve your credit card application.

Not that the Baba would apply for a credit card, but the way he has protected himself from its evils is commendable.

Miracle # 2: Born In The Eternal Abode

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The spiritual leader’s site describes his birth as him having “descended from anami [Eternal Abode] on Tuesday, August 15, 1967 in a small vicinity [Sri Gurusar Modia] of District Sri Ganganagar (Rajasthan) in the holy royal family of most revered Sardar Maghar Singh Ji and most pious mother, Mata Naseeb Kaur Ji.

Heck, even when I was born my parents circulated a card that read, “Announcing the arrival of his royal highness, Sunil Tinani, whose face resembles the sun and buttocks resemble the moons of Jupiter. He weighs about 8 pounds and is a voracious milk drinker.”

But that announcement didn’t make me a royal highness.

Miracle # 3: Experiencing God At Age 5-6

The Baba experienced God at the tender age of 5-6 but did not report it on his website then because Internet was not introduced then.

His website says, “Even at the tender age of 5-6, HIS life was flooded with numerous spiritual experiences of omnipresent and omniscient God.”

So why didn’t our Baba invent the Internet then? He had God by his side, remember?

Anyway, we’re not here to question his methods. But I can tell you this: Most of us experience God at a tender age.I too experienced God at age 6 when I pickpocketed my dad’s wallet.

Miracle # 4: The Water Diviner Boy

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The natives of Sri Gurusar Modia (the Baba’s birthplace) decided to build a water reservoir and approached a seer, Sant Triveni Das, to inaugurate the construction work. However, Sant Triveni Das insisted that the little boy (our Guru) inaugurate the work.

The little boy inaugurated the reservoir and Sant Triveni Das claimed that it would never go dry. According to hearsay, this reservoir stays true to the prophecy.

That the water-surplus Indira Gandhi Canal flows next to the village and the fact that it is next to water bodies in Haryana and Punjab has nothing to do with it. The water doesn’t dry because the great Baba shoved his hand into it when he was a kid.

I don’t know how much of this is true, and I’m unsure of the rivers and other water bodies near Sri Gurusar Modia and hence am not qualified to comment on this miracle.

But one thing I can tell you is that a water reservoir will never go dry especially if it is coming out of a nuclear plant, hard water and all, you know. Now that is one kind of water that will flow forever without drying up…

Miracle # 5: Supreme Self-Control

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Baba’s website boasts that he was the best student in his school. He excelled in studies, wrestling, volleyball, badminton, lawn tennis, and of course, cricket. Baba loved cricket, especially its fine leg.

With so much wealth and power by his side, it is no wonder that the Baba has restrained himself from buying an IPL team. Baba Ram’s Ravanas, it may have been titled…

Anyway, this supreme control of resisting the urge to buy an IPL team displays the great Baba’s miraculous powers over self.

Miracle # 6: Love For Cement, Aversion to Sex

The Baba is such a saintly sweetie pie that he has admitted in court that he is incapable of  having sex!

I have heard that a little Pfizer pill can fix this ill, but will refrain from making a suggestion.

However, the great Baba has channelized his passion into a noble task — that of  loving cement and bricks. No kidding! The good baba has constructed 23 Ashrams all over the India! That takes a lot of cement and bricks, doesn’t it?

Miracle # 7: Creating Wealth Out Of Hot Air

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Most Indians may never ever view MSG 1 or 2.

But do you know that MSG 2 grossed 447 crores despite releasing in a few theatres? That’s freaking amazing.

These figures will give heartburn to the likes of Shah Rukh Khan and Sanjay Leela Bhansali who struggled to reach the 400 crore mark despite releasing their flicks in 1,000s of theatres.

Me thinks they will enrol in Baba’s ashram to learn his box office secret.

I hope I have convinced you enough to turn into a disciple of the the humblest and the greatest Hazoor Maharaj Saint Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh Ji Insan.

He’s a great man, our Baba Ram Rahim. It’s insane that he’s here to help us and we end up criticizing him. We may be doing wrong to a good samaritan. Real insane, man, real insane. Sorry, make that Insanee….  

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