Indian Politicians’ Star Wars

Indian Politicians’ Star Wars 4.33/5 (86.67%) 3 votes

Once upon a time in a galaxy called the Milky Way, there was a planet named Earth.

It was home to a country called India, a country that was populated by comedians, idiots, the malicious and the general Junta.

One fatal mistake Indians made was to elect the wrong leaders, election after election. The politicians (leaders) met in their unholy den (the parliament) to plot against the very people who elected them.

This is the story of a hapless India set somewhere in the present but told in the future…

Cast Of Characters:

Luke Skywalker — Arun Jaitley 

Elevated to a ministerial rank despite losing an election, Arun Jaitley faces a challenge by his compatriot, Han Solo, who reveals dirty secrets about him… True to his name, Luke how walks on the sky, rising a free fall at any moment…

Han Solo — Kirti Azad

The loner who dares to take on a powerful Luke Skywalker. Played by Kirti Azad, Han releases expose after expose until the audience goes to sleep. He is aided by Obi Won Kenobi, unlike in the Hollywood movie wherein Obi supports Luke.

Obi Wan Kenobi — LK Advani

A cranky nonagenarian, Obi Won Kenobi keeps condemning and praising people on alternate days. Sometimes he supports Luke, sometimes Han and sometimes he engages in intellectual conversation with Han’s chess-player friend, Chewbacca.

Chewbacca — Mani Shankar Aiyar

A beast who attended a kindergarten operated by Harvard, Chewbacca played by Mani Shanker Aiyar, mouths intellectual dialogues such as RAWWWGGRRR, AWWWWGRRR, AAAAAOOOO, etc., which impress the cranked out Obi Won Kenobi. He also moonlights as toilet paper for his best pal, Han Solo. He also plays professor to C3PO.

Princess Leia — Sushma Swaraj

Keeps writing to the Senate, Federation and Council to allow free movement of a fugitive named Lalit Modi, even though he doesn’t play a part in the movie. Unlike in the original Hollywood movie, she’s not Luke Skywalker’s twin in this version…

C3PO — Rahul Gandhi

A droid who keeps complaining all the time even against Chewbacca, the guy who fixed him after C3PO was mauled in an election. This is one confused droid who goes missing in half the movie, much to the delight of the audience. Whatever screen time he gets, he spends it on laughing at Jar Jar Binks’ jokes.

Ewok Leader — Kejriwal

Ewoks are mammalian bipeds who hunt for and gather gossip which they use for rumor mongering or for levelling false charges. They are a bunch of no-gooders. Arvind Kejriwal plays their leader in the movie.

Jabba The Hutt — Laloo Prasad Yadav

Lalloo plays a vile fatty villain who is forever on a diet of raw fodder and Rabri. He controls an army of Ewoks and wishes to become the leader of the Indian Federation.

Jar Jar Binks — Baba Ramdev

Yousa yoga, mesa club soda. Jar Jar who contorts literally every physical organ on his body is played with aplomb by Baba Ramdev (Some of his gross organ-yoga scenes were cut out by Pahlaj Nihalani, who did right this time). He brings the house in his quest to unearth black money from deep inside a black hole.

Yoda — Manmohan Singh

Played by manmohan singh, yoda is. No expressions on face he has. Very few lines he talks. But wise man, recommend he coal for starship power and 2G for communications in age of Unobtanium and 100G.

Queen of Naboo — Sonia Gandhi 

Blessed with clones (Rahul and Priyanka), the Queen of Naboo equips them with supernatural powers of taking on the opposition. But the twins fritter away all the training and calculation. Rahul opts to become a talkative droid and Priyanka opts to marry Darth Maul, and both husband and wife don’t feature in the movie.

R2D2 — mobile phone

R2D2 is played by a mobile phone on crutches. It’s a Make In India product that had to use parts imported from China. The dream was to use R2D2 for digitizing India, but it doesn’t work out that way in our movie.

Darth Vader — Sharad Pawar

An extremely venomous dark lord, Darth Vader, played by Sharad Pawar, blasts every actor verbally and is yet treated with love and respect by all. Unlike in the Hollywood movie, he doesn’t play Luke’s poppa.

Surprise Villain Watto — Arnab Goswami

Arnab Goswami may not be a politician but he does take extreme political positions and drowns out his debates with his noisy villainy. In our movie he plays a Narad Muni character, who makes the lead players fight with each other for no reason.



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