The Laloo-Kejriwal’s male hug in Bihar has set alarm bells ringing.
After Kejriwal accused Lalloo of semi-raping him on stage, the media has started stoking the fires that engulfed India. Rahul Gandhi embraced Lalloo, Venkaiah Naidu embraced him, Rabri would surely have embraced him at some point of his life, and so many others have hugged Yadav.
But it was the Kejriwal hug that blackened the pot.
It also gave us great fodder for this article, so here goes:
Men hug each other to celebrate victories, meeting a long-lost friend, consoling a close acquaintance, meeting people from other countries, while saying goodbye, before bumping off someone (the mafiosi does this), to compare their nipple sizes (although there are no statistics to support my hypothesis), etc.
Whatever international men do, Indian men outdo. Here’re the different types of hugging that Indian males indulge in:
DOSTANA (YOU’RE MY BUDDY) HUG
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A very common sight. Friends walk on streets with one arm perched on their friend’s shoulder. However, I would urge you not to allow your friend to place his arm such in case you know him to be a pickpocket (scalper).
PILLOW (GADDHA) HUG
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Though the buddy hug is harmless, the pillow hug can have sinister connotations. In this hug, your friend will drop his head on your shoulders and make “I’m safe and sound” faces. It’s okay if this is a one-off or if your friend is passing through a crisis, but if it keeps happening you folks may well end up wrapping each other in your arms…
THE YOGA HUG
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Strictly meant for the sad, ditched, lonely or frustrated Indian male, this yoga self-hug helps desperate people tickle their butts with the back of their head and derive some cheap thrills without resorting to external sources.
THE FORMAL (DIKHAOO) HUG
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There’s one rule to this hug — you have to be somewhat friendly and refrain from making animated expression during the hug, and you must keep a minor distance. Displaying teeth, leaking bad breath, meeting at the navel point, rubbing paunches, and spraying saliva mist is strictly prohibited during this embrace.
But what to do — we’re only Indian, we tend to overdo things — see the pic and believe.
THE BEAR (BHALOO) HUG
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In a bear hug, the hugger wraps his arm around his friend’s chest or midsection. He then locks his hands around his friend’s back and pulls his friend tightly towards his chest. The hands are locked around the opponent and the opponent is held tightly to the chest. Then he starts squeezing hard until his friend is overwhelmed by whatever.
Your friend will reciprocate depending on the pressure exerted and your facial expressions. If the pressure is cool and your lips are pouty, your friend may kiss you. But if the pressure is high and your teeth are gritting, your friend will kick you in the nuts setting off physical trauma between your legs and emotional trauma inside your head.
THE IGNORED (NAZARANDAZ) HUG
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Male hugs are either ignored when the receiver is frosty to your overtures, or when you have stinky underarms that require the receiver to use his hands to plug his nose or because the receiver has been told that hugging can lead to pregnancy or when the receiver feels like rushing to the restroom for a desperate pee or for whatever reason.
THE SQUEEZE (NICHOD) HUG
The “nichod” hug is the kind of hug that soured things for Kejriwal.
Guys smile first and move towards their friends or acquaintance. They embrace strongly, and likely clap each other on the top of each other’s backs. If the moment is emotional, like in the case of Lallu-Kejriwal, the hug is held for a brief moment without the back clapping.
That’s all folks. If you know some other exotic Indian hugs, do write in.
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