8 Moronic Bollywood Controversies

Deepika-Padukone-Cleavage
8 Moronic Bollywood Controversies 2.50/5 (50.00%) 4 votes
  1. Karishma Kapoor — A Golddigger?
    karisma_kapoor

STOP PRESS: This just came up.

Karishma Kapoor’s husband, Sanjay Kapur, has accused her of cruelly not allowing him and his family to meet their children, having an affair, and focussing on his money and her Bollywood career despite his pleading with her to rejoin the family.

She has earlier accused him of being a substance abuser, philanderer and alcoholic.

In Bollywood’s queer logic, this is a made-for-each-other couple whose pairing was conceptualized in heaven.

According to psychologists, Golddiggers seek out a sense of entitlement, complain about their finances, make their boyfriends/husbands pay for everything, ask money-related questions, and make others feel obligated.

Did Karishma display these sterling qualities? Or, is she on the ball about Sanjay Kapur?

Watch this space for more dirt.

  1. The SRK-Aamir Khan Bitch Fest
    Amir-SRK-Fight
    Once upon a time, when the moon was not full, Aamir Khan decided to insult SRK. It is rumoured that Aamir behaves normally on full moon days (when the moon’s gravity tugs at the water in his brain) but is abnormally-behaved otherwise.

This is what he wrote in his blog on a regular day, when the moon was playing hide and seek:

“Shahrukh is licking my feet and I am feeding him biscuits every now and then. What more can I ask for? Now, before you jump to any conclusions let me add that Shahrukh is the name of our dog.”

This enraged SRK so much that rumours say that he first developed a rare allergy on his unmentionables and then in a fit of lunacy proceeded to sign a movie titled Billu. Billu turned out to be a super flop. Ha, ha, Aamir Khan must have laughed.

SRK kept plotting revenge on Aamir and finally got it after many years when a reporter asked whether Shah Rukh has seen Aamir’s talent by shedding his clothes on PK poster, SRK said: “Idhar talent bola theek hai but isse talent mat bolna.”

Ha, ha, Shah Rukh may have laughed, delighted at his wit and mental agility.

We wait with bated breath for Aamir’s reply in 2020.

  1. The Vijay Mallya-Shilpa Shetty “Kiss”a?Mallya-Shilpa-medley

It’s okay to air kiss and greet a woman once in a while, but did liquor baron overdo it with Shilpa Shetty?

We dug up 5 pictures of the liquor baron that show him:

  1. Grasping Shilpa’s love handles
  2. Lunging into her for a warm embrace
  3. Kissing her on the cheeks in 2 pics and on some other place on her face in 1 pic
  4. Gazing at her with tender and loving care (the car picture)
  5. Maybe singing a song or humming a tune (the car pic)

In 2 of these photos, Shilpa’s hubby, the ex-Rajasthani Royal Raj Kundra, prefers to look elsewhere and avoids gazing into Mallya’s shenanigans.

What does this mean in Bollywood terms? That it is a platonic friendship, yaar, nothing to it…

  1. Siddarth Mallya-Katrina Kaif-Deepika Padukone Bam Bam?Sid_Mallya-Deepika
    Siddarth_Mallya-Katrina_Kaif

Baap numbri, beta dus numbri? Does the saying hold true? 

Maybe after being inspired by his dad, did Siddarth decide to go one up by ostensibly trying to measure Katrina Kaif’s underarm fuzz at an IPL party and lip smooching Deepika in public at an IPL match?

Maybe Messrs. Ranbir Kapoor and Ranveer Singh will now “peg” down Siddarth like a pair of “Kingfishers”? Or, are they still fighting with each other over Deepika Padukone’s intellectual abilities?

  1. The Deepika Padukone Cleavage CarnageDeepika-Padukone-Cleavage

What happened was that Deepika Padukone got in a “hang loose mother goose” mood and brazenly displayed her cleavage to the paparazzi.

That’s like pouring sauce over yourself so that  that piranhas can relish devouring you.

The Times group got into the act and published her va-va-voom pictures all over their channels.

Things were quiet for one year. After a year, the neurons in Deepika’s  brain awakened and she realized that such pictures violated her purity.

She wrote on FB: “When an actresses inner wear decides to do a “peek-a-boo”,she most definitely did not step out with the intention to do so.So instead of zooming in,circling it and pointing arrows at it,why don’t we give her some ‘respect’ and let it go instead of making it ‘headlines’!? Are we not human?Yes we marvel,envy and drool over a male actors 8pack abs in a film,but do we zoom in on the mans ‘crotch’ when he makes a public appearance and make that ‘cheap headlines’??!!”

That’s great to read but do check out Deepika’s provocative pictures where she didn’t feel the same:

Deepika_Cleavage        Deepika

Tell you what, what Deepika did was a cheap publicity stunt. In my opinion.

  1. Mika Singh-Rakhee Sawant: Jurassic Farkmika-singh-rakhi-sawant

    See this picture. What does it look like:

  1. 2 large anacondas biting into each other
  2. A village idiot cycle mechanic filling air into a large tyre with his mouth
  3. A tantric sucking out the soul of a helpless victim (reverse mouth to mouth resuscitation)

Hah! This was one idiot controversy that was not worth it. Let’s move on.

  1. Twinkle Unzipped Akshay To Massage His Head?akshay_kumar_Twinkle

It was a fashion show that shocked India.

Akshay Kumar was walking the ramp when he saw his wife in the front row.

He felt a spasm under the belt. His sphincter muscles were agitated, in intense heat. His detrusor instability increased to high heavens.

That’s when he lurched towards Twinkle and requested her to unzip him.

She did so, revealing his Rupa innerwear.

The world saw this. It is rumoured that Akshay ran into the bathroom to urinate after that.

Yeah, all the symptoms you read upstairs are connected to urine incontinence.

  1. Gay, Gay Re Sahiba, Pyaar Mein Dhokha Nahin…

We fear and respect the LGBT community and hence will only provide captions to these scandalous pictures:

SRK_John

Manwa Emotion Jaage: Deleted scene from My Name Is Khan

Katrina-Rani

Dreamum Wakeupum: The Rani Mukherjee-Katrina Kaif Kissathon

bipasha_amisha

Meh”booba” Meh”booba”: What Happens When two Titular Dinosaurs (Bipasha-Ameesha) Meet

Disclaimer

Hullo, this is a fun read and slotted as a spoof. Our interpretation of the pictures may be wrong. Please don’t take offense, we’re small time guys.

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