12 Illegal Things CBI Discovered in the Raid on Arvind Kejriwal

arvind_kejriwal_with_media
12 Illegal Things CBI Discovered in the Raid on Arvind Kejriwal 5.00/5 (100.00%) 3 votes

 

  1. Gas Inhaler                                                                                                 2. Cough Syrup

    cough_syrup
    Law Violated: Voluntary Intoxication — Sections 85 and 86 of the Indian penal code
    The CBI found many cough syrup bottles in AAP’s office. They are aware that most cough syrups contain codeine, an opioid that also produces relaxation and euphoria when consumed at a higher-than-prescribed dose. No wonder the AAP party workers bounce around so much!
    The CBI will now investigate if the AAP office bearers gulped cough syrup prior to writing acidic posts on social media.
inhaler
Law Violated: Narcotic Drugs and Psychotropic Substances Act (1985)
The asthma inhaler is an innocent-looking piece of equipment that actually has the potential to get people started on drugs. All one has to do is replace the inhalant gas with nitrogen narcosis or laughing gas or at worst, petrol fumes. Then the sniffing can begin and the user will experience new highs. Ever wondered why Kejriwal always smiles? Is it because of constant laughing gas inhalation?
These are the mysteries the CBI will investigate.

 

 

 

3. Junk Food For Don, Somnath Bharti’s Dog                      4. Manual on How To Disconnect Electric Meters

kejri_cutting_electric_meters
Law Violated: Section 379 of Electricity Act, 1910
Kejriwal is the numero uno when it comes to disconnecting legally installed electricity meters. he does this whenever he’s out of “power,” and has stocked many guides on how to subvert the Electricity Act. Such guides are regularly supplied to rickshawallahs and people living in jhuggis. The CBI has attached all such manuals and is planning to enforce the powerless Electricity Act against Kejri.
dog_eating_pizza
Law Violated: Section 11(c) of The Prevention Of Cruelty To Animals Act, 1960
Somnath Bharti’s dog, Don, who now is without his master, happily loafs around in the AAP office these days. The CBI caught AK feeding him pizza, a junk food that causes obesity, high blood pressure and gluey and sticky feces, and is therefore is planning to book him for animal torture.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5.Polluting The Ganga                                                                                                                              6. Muffler 

muffler
Law Violated: Section 306 of The Indian Penal Code Act, 1860
A muffler that hands around the neck can get caught in a spinning wheel. Or it can be used as a strangulation device by the guy behind you in a Delhi Metro during rush hour, and more. More importantly it can be used as a suicide abetment device.
The CBI knows that many AAP candidates are likely to be arrested in the near future. Some of them may request Kejriwal for his muffler so that they can make a noose out of it. To pre-empt this situation, the CBI has made elaborate plans to book Kejriwal in advance.
kejriwal_at_varanasi
Law Violated: The entire Water (Prevention and Control of Pollution) Act, 1974
Once upon a time in Varanasi an unwashed and unshaven Kejriwal strapped on a flea-eaten and bacteria-filled worn out towel that was coloured with dangerous dyes, and jumped into the river Ganga. His toxic radiance effectively assassinated 300 fish and a few turtles after trampling upon some innocent feet.
The CBI now plans to deliver justice to the Holy Ganga.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7. Incriminating Evidence on Somnath Bharti                                                           8. Hallucinatory Realism (Art) 

kejri_yadav
Law Violated: Section 294 of the Indian Penal Code (Obscene Art)
More than half the AAP cadres are on gas inhalers and cough syrups. Theirs is a hallucinatory state of mind. Many Kejri sycophants had created art that may seem objectionable to the world but which is a visual treat for their master, Arvind. Result: many obscene art pieces like the one above adorn AAP office walls.
The CBI plans to book both artist and exhibitor.
somnath_bharti_with_nigerian_woman
Law Violated: Section 114 (g) of Indian Evidence Act
No one knows what Somnath Bharti did on the night he blazed upon the Nigerian women. Except for our Kejri, who’s sitting on this incriminating evidence for many months now. The CBI plans suitable action.

 

 

 

9. Anna Hazare Joke Book                                                                                                        10. Jung Voodoo Doll  

jung_voodoo_doll
Law Violated: Anti-Superstition and Black Magic Act of 2013 (Maharashtra)
Arvind Kejriwal, who is a sucker for supernatural casualties, had stored a good stock of Lt Gov. Najeeb Jung voodoo dolls that he pricked with poison needles in his spare time. the CBI is planning to book him under a Maharashtra law because the central government hasn’t planned to introduce such laws for India because their vote bank will get eroded.
anna_hazare_joke_book
Law Violated: Human Rights Violation
Anna Hazare may have whipped drunkards in his village, but it was Kejriwal who first whipped him by using his clout and crowd and then by drafting a flaccid Jan Lokpal Bill.
The CBI now plans to amend its act to take on human rights violations.

 

11. Fake Degrees and Graduation Caps                                                                   

 

fake_degree
Law Violated: Section 125 A of Representation of the People Act, 1951 AAP wants graduates and educated folks to join the party. This is why a pragmatic Kejriwal had stocked up on fake degrees and graduation day caps. He passed the hustings so far, but the CBI has planned to fail him.

12. Slum Demolition Notices

demolition_notice
Law Violated: The CBI is still thinking of one.
The latest Kejriwal rant (“I was not informed of slum demolitions”) that triggered the CBI raid, was busted when it was discovered that the central government had sent copies of 100s of demolition notices to the Delhi Government.

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