The IPL is a breeding ground for wannabe, retired, has-been, injured, fatigued, sycophant, discarded, 2nd rate, out-of-form, newbie, out-of-shape, and other such players.
It is also the graveyard of Indian cricket. But more on that later.
IPL sucks and it employs many cricketers that suck. Here is a list of 10 Indian Cricketers that are screwing up or have screwed up the IPL and their team owners.
- Joginder Sharma
The Haryanvi cricketer earned his fame by dismissing Misbah-ul-Haq in the final of the 2007 ICC World Twenty20 that India won.
He began his career in the IPL with the Chennai Super Kings, but couldn’t cash on the opportunity because of his ineffective and flaccid bowling, inexpressive face and refusing to undress in the dressing room.
In 2015 he was priced at Rs 30 lakhs but could not find a bidder.
He has probably become the leader of a Khap panchayat in rural Haryana, who knows.
- Rohan Gavaskar
Fossilized son of the great cricketer but boring commentator, Sunil Gavaskar, Rohan last played in IPL 2010 and was one of the players who reduced KKR and Shah Rukh Khan to shambles with his uninspiring batting and bowling.
Last seen, he donned the commentator’s hat in 2013 IPL, but has been missing since. For India’s sake, let’s hope he hasn’t opened a cricket coaching school!
- Mohammed Kaif
Though part of the Rajasthan Royals team that lifted the inaugural IPL, Kaif has been an undependable, unreliable and unsteady performer in the IPL. He was ignored in the 2014 auctions and that rubbed his ego in the sand.
He went on to give interviews about how his shy and reserved nature made selectors ignore him. What the hell is he saying! Did the selectors ask him to lie down backwards on the IPL casting couch? Hmmm, one doesn’t know….
- RP Singh
1 useful spell, 2 useless. 1 helpful spell, 3 horrible. 1 economic spell, 4 match-losing.
RP Singh was like a disastrous progression in mathematics until he joined IPL.
Then he got worse. he brought untold grief to his teammates and his beleaguered team owner, Vijay Mallya, who was being trampled under the wheels of Kingfisher Airlines.
Bidders rightly ignored RP Singh in the 2015 auctions. Heave ho!
- Ashok Dinda
After being nicked the “death bowler,” Ashok Dinda was ecstatic. he figured it was a compliment.
Actually the Pune team owner who said this meant that Dinda spelt death for his team and finances, but Dinda was too thick to understand the savvy phrase.
To put it mildly, Dinda considers IPL war but fights it with just a plastic knife. That said, Dinda provides a lot of vulgar entertainment for perverted IPL watchers when he leaps high into the air just before releasing the ball while bowling.
He is just another “Kingfisher Airlines” grounded in RCB.
- Irfan Pathan
Irfan was purchased by CSK in 2015. What a waste of good money considering that Irfan bowled like a dud and CSK is now suspended for two years. N. Srinivasan would have gotten better returns if he had parked his funds in 6% Railway Bonds.
- Dinesh Karthik
Dinesh was purchased by Delhi Daredevils in 2014 for a humungous 12.5 crores. He repaid their generosity by scoring 325 runs in 14 matches. 2015 was worse when Dinesh boy heaped poverty on the daredevil franchise owner by scoring 141 runs in 16 matches.
I bet the Daredevils franchise owners must be left emotionally and financially bankrupt after making this dumbo investment. The feeling of making a bad investment is indescribable — it is like breathing the fumes of a 20-year old 2000cc Delhi diesel car and drinking a cup full of filth from the Yamuna bank.
Dinesh Karthik. Ewww.
- Ramesh Powar
The original fat boy of cricket, the roly-poly Ramesh Powar is perhaps the only guy in the world who can effortlessly fart from his navel.
His mere presence is a source of merriment to most cricket viewers because they figure he would have been better off in the Indian Sumo Wrestling Team.
Powar played a solitary match in 2012 (KXI Punjab) before Preity gave him the boot on his varicose veins-filled butt. Thank God.
- Cheteshwar Pujara.
He was described as a prodigy, a marvelous human with extraordinary cricketing skills. A person who could hit 4s and 6s at will and earn the respect of his team members and owners.
Falling for this marketing pitch, Preity Zinta and Ness Wadia bought him for KXI Punjab.
Instead of the hero he was expected to be, Pujara hit his team and owners with calamitous performances that seriously disrupted the functioning of KXI Punjab by causing elphantine human, material, and economic losses.
No one bid for Pujara for the 2015 edition, and rightly so.
- The biggest non-performer, Yuvraj Singh
Yuvraj’s score in 10 IPL matches reads like a 12-digit mobile number dotted with many singletons.
The most unfortunate thing about Yuvraj’s selection was the fact that Delhi Daredevils bought him for a massive 16 crores because they felt he would score runs and connect with the audience. Poor guys, first Dinesh Karthik then Yuvraj. It’s like escaping safely from the Titanic but having your limbs eaten by an arctic beaver and your private parts spiffed by a squid. Ha!
I can’t tell if the DD will ever recover from this double blow — but they certainly deserve it.
That’s all, folks.
Note: This is a spoofy and outrageous article and should not be taken seriously. Have fun reading it, yaar.
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