Celeb: Ranbir Kapoor
Gift: Free Pass to a Career Suicide Prevention Conference
Pros: Post the Dilwale flop, SRK might just walk in and share his misery with Ranbir.
Cons: The problem is that no one from Bollywood will ever attend such a conference. Worse, there won’t be any speakers as well. Plus, Ranbir may get dejected some more because the Paparazzi won’t be around.
Celeb: Imran Khan
Gift: An Almost-Finished Tic Tac Toe Board Game That Is an Anti-Climax
Pros: After being called a mentally challenged idiot by Rahul Rawail, this game will help restore confidence in himself and his cardboard-style acting.
Cons: Aamir Khan may decide to play against Imran Khan and claim he already won because he was working with the X’s.
Celeb: Alia Bhatt
Gift: Gillette Presto Shaving Razor
Pros: Shandaar proved Alia’s fetish for sprouting facial hair. That it proved Shahid’s penchant for moustached females is another story. The Gillette Presto razor comes with a twin blade system that can easily remove Alia’s facial fuzz.
Cons: Men like Shahid Kapoor who like it when their females sport a hairy face, may get a huge turn off. Also, if Alia uses it without applying shaving foam, there will be hell to pay. Gulabo, jara Gillette guma lo….
Celeb: Arvind Kejriwal
Gift: Duct Tape
Pros: Applying duct tape over his gargantuan mouth every morning will stop Arvind Kejriwal from spewing insults, expletives and moronisms…
Cons: Arvind entertainment quotient will fall to a new low.
Celeb: Sonakshi Sinha
Gift: Enell High Impact Sports Bra
Pros: This high impact bra will nicely hold Sonakshi’s b__bs and restrain her mega busts from folding into comfy lumps. The bra’s high neckline will stop her hooters from playing peekaboo as well.
Cons: What! No wardrobe malfunctions expected from Sonakshi! How cruel!
Celeb: All Members of the Rajya Sabha
Gift: Holy Crap Tea/Coffee Mug
Pros: The ugliness and the vulgarity of the cup will ruin each member’s day — which is what the Indian public wants .
Cons: The mug will put the members in a bad mood and they may rush into the well of the house even more frequently and stall important bills.
Celeb: Deepika Padukone
Gift: Air Padded Backless Seamless Invisible Silicone Adhesive Strapless Super Push Up Bra
Pros: Deepika Padukone is extremely mastani, fit, talented and intelligent. But there’s something lacking between her chin and her navel. This gift will fulfill what’s lacking.
Cons: What will happen when the maniacal Ranveer Singh eats it up?.
Celeb: Lalit Modi
Gift: Mock UK permanent Residency Card
Pros: Hounded by the Indian authorities but protected by our politicians, Lalit Modi is a worried man. This mock residency card will reduce his stress levels for a few hours.
Cons: Once he realizes the card is fake, he may reveal a few secrets about our politicians.
Celeb: Karan Johar
Gift: Santa Butt Airline Pillow
Pros: Feel sad and sorry for Karan Johar and want him to enjoy life? Gift him a Santa butt pillow that he can wrap around his effeminate neck and proceed to … oh forget it..
Cons: Karan may get addicted to the pillow and break his “friendship” with SRK.
Celeb: Vidya Balan
Gift: The Toilet Screamer
Pros: Vidya Balan, our original Sauchh gal, must be hating it every time she advocates constructing a toilet to a village denizen. This gift will help her scare the living daylights out of pesky villagers. Once attached to the flush tank, the toilet screamer screams like a banshee every time the toilet cover comes in contact with it.
Cons: Khap Panchayats will go beyond hammer and tongs behind the Balan babe. NH21-2?
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