Top 6 Oversexed and Kinky Animals Overdoing It On Mother Earth

Lions-Couple-Mating
Top 6 Oversexed and Kinky Animals Overdoing It On Mother Earth 3.79/5 (75.83%) 6 votes

Exploding private parts, nonstop, continuous sex, carcass-supported climaxes, crapping to impress, rape, and more sadism.

No these are not the front page headlines you read in a newspaper, these are shenanigans of the animal world. After reading this piece, you won’t call them animals. You’ll call them anal-mals!

But these Valentino animals won’t care about what you say as they go about fulfilling their daily lust.

Read on, but be warned, this piece will put all self-acclaimed horny humans to shame. Take a peep, peeps:

Dolphins — The Lecherous Sadists

 

dolphin_matingJust when you thought dolphins were cute, cuddly and innocent, comes the news that these are actually lecherous fish that delight in sadism and torture. Do you know that these intelligent marine mammals have been accused of raping humans, killing their own children, spreading herpes and committing suicide over unreturned love. It may sound crazy, but it’s true.

Male bottlenose dolphins wrap their penis around live eels — the objective being to mausturbate in style. Have you ever considered how this act can psychologically wreck an eel’s life? Pity there are no mental asylums out there in the marine world. However, these beelzebubs prefer Masturbating with a dead fish.

It has been proposed these bottlenosed lusters have intercourse 50 times each day (without Viagra or Ginseng). Dolphins communicate with one another with their blowhole. They create a series of bangs and blare sounds in a variety of pitches, tones and frequencies. The distinctions in pitch and frequency allow dolphins to convey a mixed bag of things, which in most cases would likely be “It’s time to mate, mate. You take her and I’ll take her.”

Dolphin intercourse happens in a diagonal missionary position, belly to belly; however many species enjoy lengthy foreplay, with the actual act usually being brief (12 seconds — we humans can laugh in relief now). However, like I said earlier, dolphins mate up to 50 times in a day, so don’t let that brief climax fool you. The male dolphin would be swimming towards another conquest before you know it.

A Dolphin owns a retractable penis (now you see me, now you don’t). What’s more, it’s prehensile (meaning it can grasp something like you would with your hand) — no wonder it can can force live eels for fun and pleasure. Plus, it also swivels like a drone. A dolphin’s penis is not a penis, it’s a goddamned Transformer from outer space!

Bonobos — Random Love Machines

bonobos_matingBonobos are crazy, kinky animals who display common emotions such as greeting, fighting, socializing, loving, wrath, and everything else — all through sex.

As Jack Hitt implies in Lapham’s Quarterly: Bonobos are open for sex 12/7/365. The males behave like satyriasis and the women like nymphomaniacs. Males and females, young or old, welcome anyone for sex at any time of the day — and do everything from a fast vibe to porn-style sex to extravagantly athletic couplings.

Females coolly introduce themselves to guys. The male is direct — he walks straight up to a female with no faltering. Of course, there’s plenty of gay action going around as well — with the guys hanging upside down, real close and personal, from a tree and taking part in what is referred to as frottage (“penis fencing” or “dry humping”).

Bonobos are all about unrestricted, uncensored, frightful, messy and orgy-type sex on a normal day. Guess what, our DNA matches to 98% of the Bonobo DNA. Now where did we go wrong? LMAO.

Lions — Rumble in the Jungle & Get Fungal

Lions_Mating

Lions rest for up to 20 hours a day (Ee-e-e-oh-mum-oh-weh, The Lion Sleeps Tonight). When they awaken, they wanna eat and mate. Mostly mate. Voyeur animal behaviorists have observed lions bang-bang as much as 100 times in a day, which sounds so darn lusty until you realize that each session is restricted to just 10 seconds.

Lions can be actually murderously lustful, more wicked and sinful than even the most hateful human despot. Sample this: A lion can murder all the offsprings in his pride (his group) sending the females into an estrous cycle (awakening of sexual desire). The lion then starts mating with the once-sexually inactive females and starts producing offspring to replaces the ones that were murdered by him.

Love making is a painful procedure for the female. The lion penis is thorny and its withdrawal harms the female who may whip around and assault the male.

The agony is fundamental for cat mating because it provokes ovulation and triggers the fertilization process. Lionesses have an incubation time of three and a half months (around 108 days).

Hippos — Hold your noses, here we come

hippos_matingMale hippos have the dirtiest way of impressing the female. They toss their dung on her and discharge fecal matter and urine simultaneously, while spinning their tail in a helicopter fashion (Dhoni’s Jurassic shot). Jeez, hope this fashion doesn’t come to town. But you don’t know, we already have started admiring the paleolithic diet.

The female, who gets sexually motivated by all the crap, falls for the love trap and leads the male to an adjacent pool, where the hefty size pumpin’ starts.

Giraffes — Peeing, Necking, Banging

giraffes_matingJust when I toughened myself up to try Sushi, comes this news: Female giraffes urinate in the male’s mouth.

Ewwwww!

Anyway, this episode is referred to as “Flehmen’s sequence.” The male giraffe approaches the female and pokes her in the butt until she pees. Then the male giraffe tastes the urine to test if she is ovulating.

Thank God humans have ultrasound.

He then continues to stalk her. The female may flee from him because she wants someone better, maybe a giraffe male who has a better taste in pee. As she avoids him, he tries to stop different guys from approaching her.

While battling for a female, males engage in a neck-to-neck fight. You expect that they won’t talk to each other after the fight, but hell, you’re wrong. After the fight, the guys get turned on and literally fall for each other! Damn! 75% to 94% of the time, male giraffes engage in sexual relations with each other.

If this is not perversion, what is!

Anyway, after winning the fight the male approaches the female. If she’s not watching cable TV, she will stop sufficiently long enough to allow him to mount. Hey, if you’re some 20-40 feet tall diagonally you need some mounting time.

If the female has walked away, the two male giraffes will enjoy each other’s company. Ahem.

But all these fights and, tantrums work out to a flash in the pan because the real act lasts for just a few moments.

Bees — Drone Groan

bee-matingHas your boyfriend ever promised that he is ready to die for you?

Yea? Ask him to act like a honey bee drone.

Because here’s what happens to them.

The queen bee is fed with some gel by her sisters to induce ovulation. Then the queen bee, who is a certified virgin, flies by the flowers where sex-starved drones are hanging around.

The drones watch her fly naked and a few of them give chase. The first drone gets to make love to her. He is the lucky guy!

Or so you think.

Things start off smoothly. the drone’s organ is turned inside out into the queen. This happens because the drone contracts his abdominal muscles, an act that “inflates” his penis.

Bang, bang.

Now it’s time for the drone to ejaculate and kiss his aah goodbye.

His semen blasts through the queen’s sting chamber and into her oviduct. The ejaculation is so powerful that it ruptures the drone’s reproductive part and disconnects him from the queen.

He falls down on the ground and dies.

She’s then loaded with all the sperm she’ll require for the rest of her life, which involves laying up to fifteen hundred eggs, every day for three whole years.

And then the bee next in the queue is made the queen of the hive.

Comments

comments

Powered by Facebook Comments