India Has A Copyright On Vampires. We Should Sue USA For Infringement
Basmati rice, turmeric, garlic cloves, Tulsi, etc., — American and Europe companies are filing patents on traditional Indian goodies and all we are doing is acting reactively by fighting cases.
We should get proactive, man.
Yeah, for starters we should file for a patent on Vampires because we hold a copyright over them.
You don’t believe? Read this:
Pey and Peymakilir — The Rajnikanth and Malashri of the Vampire Clan
Image Credit: www.vampires.com
The Pey and Peymakilirare one of the earliest references to vampires anywhere in the world. These blood sucking vampires are described as “vampires of war” in Tamil mythology.
Pey is male and Peymakilir, female. Hindu mythology says that both vampires live off battlefields with Pey being a specialist blood drinker and Peymakilir, an expert at devouring flesh.
It is also mentioned that Peymakilir dances uncontrollably while devouring flesh, which makes for extremely repulsive table manners. Pey is more well-behaved.
Crazy thing is — the male only drinks and the female only eats! Nothing is written about their diet during times of peace.
Chedipe — Why This Godavari Kolaveri di?
Image Credit: www.vampires.com
Indian folklore says that Chedipe, a sadistic and bloodthirsty vampire, attacked victims living around the river Godavari.
Now, the Godavari flows across the states of Maharashtra, Andhra Pradesh, Chhatisgarh, Madhya Pradesh, Odisha and Karnataka.
But Chedipe is Telegu, and she’s our second south India-based vampire. Ayyo!
Chedipe was considered a vampire that operated in a sneaky, stealthy mode. The icing on the cake was that she was 100% naked and full of kinkiness when she attacked and killed men, and each death took many days.
At least the men would have died a happy death.
Folklore says that Chedipe was a seductress who entered homes fully naked (YAY!). She would hypnotize all the family members, and then choose the strongest male in the house. Not much is documented of what happened next, but the climax involved sucking and draining out the man’s blood from his toes.
The assault would continue for several days till the man died. Of course, the man couldn’t figure out if he was sexually assaulted or someone coca cola-ed his blood during the night. The hypnotized family members also couldn’t figure out nutting.
Who the hell said that medieval India was full of intelligentsia?
Brahmaparusha — The Bloody Brain Drain
Image Credit: blogspot.com
Here’s some good news — after two south Indian vampires, I am proud to introduce a north Indian vampire.
You can stop accusing me of regional bias, folks.
Okay, good news is over. Here’s the bad news:
The Brahmaparusha was a malevolent and violent vampire who knew no etiquette and followed a crazy diet.
Yeah, he gorged and slurped on human brains.
Here’s his modus operandi:
Brahmaparuha would loiter around uncouthly carrying a skull in his hand. His freaky headgear was made of human intestines. The skull in his hand worked just like an empty ice cream cone.
He would randomly clobber any human that came his way, pour all the blood out of the victim’s neck into the skull and drink it up. After drinking up all the blood, Brahmaparusha would eat the victim’s brains.
Not content with so little violence, the vampire would then rip open the victim’s tummy and tailor headgear out of his intestines. And then dance around the corpse, maybe to digest his food.
Since human brain is full of proteins, not carbs, and after all that dancing, Brahmaparusha would find himself hungry. So he would go on a murderous brain-eating rampage. He was the true Indian equivalent of Hannibal.
Betal Pachisi — The Village Idiot Vampire
Image Credit: welcomenri.com
You’d have heard of Vikram and Vetal?
If you have, then the Vetal that features in the ancient tale is this idiot, Betal Pachisi.
This moron vampire loved hanging upside down on tree branches, with his head pointing towards the ground.
Instead of devouring and mutilating victims, he piggybacked them and narrated loony stories stories and quizzes full of imbecility.
He would refuse to get off the victim’s back unless he got the right answer. He was nothing but a goddamned verbal crossword puzzle in ancient India.
Betal Pachisi was a wimp and a disgrace to Indian vampires and I hope Brahmaparusha has him for breakfast on a sunny morning.
But I donno, I figure Pachisi’s already died of hunger — telling stories on an empty, dehydrated stomach can cause life failure.
ChorDeva — The Indian Catwoman
Image Credit: waldhufendaemonen.de
Chor Deva’s one vampire from Bengal, East india. Nice, we’ve almost proved that vampires existed across most of India.
ChorDeva is fabled to be a woman witch. She was cat-like and cunning, and operated by sneaking up to her victims after turning herself into a cat with vampiric abilities.
Still, ChorDeva was peanuts when compared to veterans like like Pey and Brahmaparusha. All this poor thing did was to sneak inside homes of sick/dying people, eat their food, and lick their lips.
That’s it, nothing else.
Licking the victim’s lips made them die.
Hell, if you ask me, she was the euthanasia champion of ancient India, who’s been wrongly slotted as a vampire by folklore authors.
There are other vampire types in Indian legend — Rakshasas, Pisachas, and a few blood drinking Gods whom I will not write about.
But my job’s done. Let’s hope the Indian government files a patent on vampires.
Powered by Facebook Comments