Good, Bad and Ugly Hindi Movie Critics

hindi_movie_critics
Good, Bad and Ugly Hindi Movie Critics 4.71/5 (94.29%) 7 votes

Film reviewing is an art. The film reviewer is typically  a journalist with an avid interest in movies, sharp senses and acute analyzing powers. S/he can present a solid opinion that can make people view or avoid a movie.

If this is the true definition of a film critic, sadly India doesn’t have many.

A Hindi movie reviewer condemning a movie is like a Jew condemning a Nazi Officer in a concentration camp. It’s too damn namby-pamby and moronic out here. Most Bollywood film critics shoot blanks filled with water, from plastic guns. Worse, some reviewers write as if they were the producer’s toilet paper — of course, the inference is obvious.

We decided to put these Indian reviewers to the sword. Our yardstick was that mega turkey, Dilwale, a colossal bore that ran because it was hyped up. We dug out the reviewers who condemned or praised it and have formed our opinion based on this yardstick.

Here’s the list of good, bad and ugly Indian movie critics:

Taran Adarsh: The Aah Kisser

taran_adarsh

Channels: NDTV, Hindustan Times

Review For Dilwale: 4 Stars/5

Taran is a Bollywood minion. He is a slave to its system. He operates a trade magazine that earns its profits from advertisements issued by movie producers. This is the likely reason why this dude sings praises even of stillborn projects like Dilwale that bore the hell out of the audience.

His reviews are understandable, but why the heck did he choose to become a reviewer when he has a huge conflict of interest? Typical Indian greed.

 

Komal Nahta: The Boring Lackey

Komal_Nahta

Channels: ETC TV

Review For Dilwale: Entertainment-Packed

Komal Nahta operates a trade magazine and is therefore, another reviewer with a huge conflict of interest. His best reviews sound like he’s narrating the plot and his worst reviews are so damn servile you feel like throwing up.

He always looks at movies from the distributor’s and producer’s points of view and knows that if he writes a bad review, the moneyed dudes will stop advertising in his magazine. On good days he writes like a sanitary napkin and on bad days, he sounds like a producer’s lackey (man servant).

 

Rajeev Masand: Good Judgement But Slightly Compromised

Rajeev_Masand

Channels: CNN IBN

Review For Dilwale: 2 Stars/5

See any Rajeev Masand show and you know that the guy’s seen through the movie, but stops short of heaping insults mainly because the movie makers promote their flick on his channel. Plus, he keeps hosting talk shows with stars and that is something that could hold him from expressing a frank opinion.

Still, though his criticism of Dilwale was muted, he did not allow it to get away scot free.

KRK: Straight Talking, Earnest

Kamaal_Rashid_Khan

Channels: YouTube

Review For Dilwale: 2.5 Stars/5

KRK is the Bollywood dinosaur who refuses to be fossilized. His Hindi movies may have tanked but there’s no pinning him down. When he’s not trading barbs on Twitter, he’s reviewing movies wearing a silver necklace with a gun pendant.

Whatever one may say about KRK (Kamaal R Khan), there’s no denying he’s a honest and earnest movie reviewer.  He analyzes every movie from the viewer’s and business point of view, and he got it right for Dilwale (though 2.5 stars sounds overrated). The best thing is that KRK blends in his own brand of bitchiness into each review, making his videos fun to watch.

 

Meena Iyer: The Bollywood Stooge

meena_iyer

Channels: Times of India

Review For Dilwale: 3 Stars/5

What can you expect from a reviewer who says she is “friend of the actors, confidante of the actresses?

Sterile reviews that lick actor and producer arse. That’s what Meena dishes out.

For Dilwale, she concluded thus: “Or even better just seek solace in SRK’s outstretched arms.” (meaning SRK is worth the price of the movie ticket), and gave it an undeserved 3 stars.

How damn servile!

 

Sarita Tanwar: Ms Bootlick

sarita

Channels: DNA

Review For Dilwale: 3 Stars/5

After accusing Rohit Shetty of lifting scenes from a few movies and TV shows, she goes on to say that Rohit Shetty is a honest filmmaker, and this was not expected. Rohit Shetty — honest? He’s been ripping off and remaking old Hindi flicks, and peppering them with action scenes inspired by Hollywood.

After blasting Dilwale’s story as a big let down and predictable, she concludes, “Dilwale is flawed, but it’s right for those who believe that love does conquer it all, actually”.

This is like pouring Armani perfume over turd. Disgusting.

 

Anupama Chopra: The Honest Reviewer

Anupama_Chopra

Channels: NDTV, Hindustan Times

Review For Dilwale: 1.5 Stars/5

She’s a honest person who doesn’t care much about the producer’s status. But one feels she has much more to say and is perhaps being held back by lack of space (print) or time (TV). She ripped apart Dilwale calling it recycled mediocrity, which in my opinion, hit the nail bang on the head.

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