Can Bikini Clad Women Clean Up The Ganga?

Varanasi_ghats
Can Bikini Clad Women Clean Up The Ganga? 4.08/5 (81.58%) 19 votes

The nice and efficient guys running the Indian government have come under a heck lot of flak for not doing enough to clean up the Ganga, among other things.

And all this non-stop bashing may have left our docile rulers red-faced.

But there’s always this silver lining inside every dark cloud. Or, a dark lining inside every silver cloud.

Hold your breath and forget about clouds — because we may all have to go underwater:

2 professors Mihri and Cengiz Ozkan, at the University of California, Riverside Bourns College of Engineering along with a few Ph.D students have developed a material named Sponge.

Sponge?

Wasn’t that discovered long back?

Pause for hysterical laughter — Tahahaha Tahahaha — a la Spongebob Squarepants and Patrick.

bikini
Potential Ganga Cleanser

Now sober up — this is a different sponge. It actually cleans up oil and chemical spills, and desalinates water.

How?

Because it is made from heated sucrose, a form of sugar. It has a highly porous structure that repels water, but absorbs harmful contaminants.

But you can’t use it to sweeten tea.

The good professors and their students then had an idea.  They thought let’s clean up oil spills, dirt, residues and other evils lurking inside our water bodies.

But instead of making a giant sponge that could be airlifted by helicopters, or making a radio-controlled sponge submarine, these Johnies decided to add a Playboy touch to their invention.

They made a bikini out of their precious material.

But that doesn’t matter to the folks in Mandi House who are desperate to clean up the Ganga.

All that the Indian government has to do is to import these sucrose bikinis, get women to put them on and swim in the Holy Ganga.

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Hypothetical Selfie of calendar girl in sucrose bikini cleaning Ganga
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Hypothetical Selfie of calendar girl in sucrose bikini after thoroughly cleaning the Ganga

I propose that our lady ministers and bureaucrats wear sucrose bikinis and take the first plunge.

Eeeeeeks!

No! Never! Wait, let me pause to puke and retch!

I now propose that Indian calendar girls strap on them bikinis to clean our Holy Ganga.

I’m suddenly feeling better at this brilliant idea. I don’t know why I missed it the first time. Sorry, heavyweight minister ladies.

If this bikini-cleansing proposal is accepted by the government, all they have to do is figure out the dirtiest parts of the Ganga where the calendar girls can be air dropped.

Then the government should telecast the event live on national TV (all channels please, not just DD).

Third, the government must convince the calendar girls to swim in areas full of raw sewage, corpse residue, toxic industrial waste, mutant fish, and other nasty spots.

Meh! How difficult can that be!

C’mon guys let’s jumpstart this bikini thingie to clean our Holy Ganga!


Research Sources: ucrtoday.ucr.edu and mashable.com
Images Credit: mashable.com

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