Superstitions are stupid, they can turn you into an idiot and make you behave like a fool.
They instill a fear of the unknown into you and make you hopelessly dependant on a ridiculous concept that exists because of age-old rumours and hearsay.
The way your day or life shapes up depends solely on your actions. If you do the right things, things will eventually pan out right. You do wrong, you’ll beget negativity. And remember, by being superstitious, you are chucking rational and intelligent thinking out of the window.
The bad news is that this is the way most of us are and therefore here are 9 idiotic Indian superstitions that turn us into deaf, dumb and blind followers:
- DON’T CUT HAIR OR START NEW THINGS ON TUESDAY
Legend: Because Tuesday is Mangalwar. Mangal means Mars, the red planet.
Indians consider Mangal to be an extremely malefic God of War. He is also a celibate and a powerful God that teaches the occult.
That’s good enough for Indians to fear him and therefore most of us refrain from doing new stuff — like starting a venture or buying new stuff — on Tuesdays.
Even more stupid is that we do not get our hair cut on Tuesdays. Indian barber shops remain closed on Tuesdays because they don’t expect customers.
Logic: Don’t fear Mangal (Mars), my educated readers. The planet’s gravitational pull is far too weak to impact your daily life. Go ahead and get a haircut or start a venture — especially on Tuesdays!
- HANGING CHILLIES-LEMONS ON DOORS
Legend: People are shit scared of Alakhsmi.
She’s Goddess’ Lakshmi’s sister. Lakshmi brings prosperity, while Alakshmi brings poverty and terrible times.
Why does she bring bad times? Because she’s married to the demon Kali who chops heads for a living.
And why chilli lemons? Because Alakshmi loves to eat hot and pungent stuff. So Indians reckon she’ll arrive at their door, eat up the chilli lemons and walk away without making an entry.
Incidentally, this is why Indians prepare sweets on Diwali — Lakshmi loves sweets and Indians want her to make an entry into their homes while keeping Alakshmi at bay.
Logic: Who invented Lakshmi and Alakshmi? Who invented Gods, btw?
Humans living in ancient India.
These dudes had no TV, books newspapers, Sudoku or access to other forms of entertainment. So they may have invented Gods.Your God lives inside of you — worship him — and stay away from evil by doing good things. Hey, even Indian Mafia dons hang chilli lemons outside their homes — does that guarantee they will not fall on hard times or in prison?
- BAN MENSTRUATING FEMALES
Many Indians do not allow menstruating females to enter the kitchen. Some Indian temples ban their entry. Sexual intercourse is forbidden during such times. Women can only get back to their normal routine after their periods.
If they perform any of the forbidden acts, Hindus believe that whole house will become impure.
Legend: These rules and were invented by pig-headed and chauvinistic males who always wanted their ideas to prevail no matter how moronic these may have been. So they invented crazy social taboos which the gullible people of those times bought. The legend still continues.
Logic: Grow up, man. You’re in the 21st century. An age where science can dispel myths and urban legends. Stop believing this shit.
- THE BLACK MARK (KAALA TEEKA)
We believe that smearing a smallish black mark on someone who looks attractive (especially babies) will ward off the evil eye (Nazar) of others.
Legend: Even educated and hip Indians believe that smearing a black mark or dot on the face somehow de-glamorizes the wearer and robs him of his attraction. Result: No one will give him a second look and therefore he will be safe from the “evil eye”.
Logic: Kajal or Kohl is used to apply the Kala Teeka. Kajal is made of lead. The wearer could contract lead poisoning. The least you can do is not apply Kaala Teeka on babies.
- EYE TWITCHING OMENS
When an Indian women’s left eye twitches, it indicates good luck coming her way.When her right eye does, it indicates bad times. For men, it’s the reverse.
Legend: Because some f***ing powerful idiot in medieval times had nothing better to do than invent stories.
Logic: Because eye twitching or myokymia depends on your diet. Cricketer Sreeshanth’s right eye twitched after Bhajji slapped him hard. Did it bring him good luck?
- SNAP YOUR FINGERS OR PAT YOUR MOUTH WHILE YAWNING
I’m sure you would have seen many Indian snap their fingers just before their mouth while yawning.
Legend: Hindu Indians believe that when a person yawns, his soul may leave his body. To keep the soul inside, they snap their fingers or pat their mouth while yawning (while chanting God’s name).
Logic: Yawning implies that bacteria and toxins may now be leaving your body and entering the atmosphere, thereby depleting the ozone layer. Or, that you are feeling sleepy. Nothing else. Get all nonsensical beliefs out of your head.
- DON’T SWEEP THE FLOORS AT NIGHT
Legend: Ancient Indians formulated this superstition in an era that was devoid of electricity. Sweeping floors in dim candle light may have resulted in the broom landing in someone’s curry or would have interrupted a sexual act.
Anyway, these Indians then invented a superstition that night sweeping could sweep away your wealth and bring you bad luck.
Logic: Try asking your maid to sweep your floor at night. She’ll charge you a bomb and leave you penniless, and nag the hell out of you. In that sense, yeah, the legend’s right.
- ITCHY LEFT PALM HERALDS RICHES
Legend: Indians believe that an itchy left palm heralds riches while an itchy right palm heralds money shifting out. No one knows where and how this legend originated. Maybe a guy with psoriasis on his palms turned into a philosopher, who knows.
Logic: Keep scratching your crotch all the time and that will make the palm itch go away. In any case, Indian men keep scratching their privates or digging their nose 24/7.
- CROWS ARE OUR ANCESTORS
Legend: A chapter in Uttara Ramayana says that a king called Marutta performed a Mahesvara sattra (a puja) that was attended by many Gods. Ravana, though uninvited, decided to drop in.
His entry scared the shit out of the other Gods present at the buffet. Knowing that Ravana was one big bully who would bash them up, each God took the form of a bird. Indra — peacock, Yama — crow, Kuber — chameleon and Varuna — Royal Swan.
They escaped Ravana’s wrath. Later, Yama, the God of Death, felt rather pleased with the crow, which had literally helped him escape a nice spanking.
From there on, the legend stuck and the crow came to be regarded as an ancestor that must be fed during the shradhs (death ceremonies of relations and ancestors).
Logic: The Uttara Ramayana is an addition to the original Ramayana story that starts with the banishment of Sita and the birth of Luv and Kush. It is a story, it is not religion. Read it, enjoy it but do not let it blind you.
Being superstitious can make you look like a complete moron. Superstitions impact society in a negative way, and you as a forward thinking and rational individual must rely on science and logic to show you the light.
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