6 Modern Foods That Screw Your Love Life

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6 Modern Foods That Screw Your Love Life 4.00/5 (80.00%) 6 votes

Does your wife or girlfriend feel that you are as hyperactive as a cadaver in bed?

Do you feel your partner must act and behave like Florence Nightingale after you’re back from work?

Do you feel like Nikola Tesla, the ultra famous guy, while at home, especially at night?

Don’t pump your chest with pride — Nikola Tesla was asexual all his life.

You know, if you don’t feel like doing it at least twice a week, it may be because your diet’s gone all wrong. You are just another Humpty Dumpty sitting on a wall.

We want you to get active in bed, especially so after reading this article. Therefore, here are certain foods that YOU. MUST. AVOID.

French Fries

french_fries

The trans fats and other destructive coatings applied on french fries kind of dive right into your libido and splash it out. Just like a heavy fatty would do after dropping 2 storeys into a pool.

When it comes to a pool, you can always replenish the water. But what the hell can you do when your libido gets depleted and you don’t even realize it?

French fries are also fried at industrial temperatures used to melt tungsten, and this could damage your tissues and flush your sex hormones down the chute.

Corn Flakes

Corn_Flakes

Corn flakes were probably invented by a guy who wanted to commit suicide, but then decided against it and made a plan to wreck the entire human race after profiting from it by selling an unhealthy and tasteless breakfast food.

This guy also didn’t seem to be interested in banging the opposite sex.

Think about it — the best part about corn flakes is that they are tasteless unless you add some liquid or flavor to them. hell, they’re like oats which just got a hard on, except that the flaccid oats are healthy for you.

You know why cornflakes are so damn unhealthy?

Because they made by breaking corn kernels (GMO corn, very dangerous) into smaller parts, which are then steam cooked at very high temperatures. The germ that contains all the nutrition is then removed because if it is allowed to remain, the flakes will go rancid over time and wrecks the shelf life.

To compensate, the manufacturer dumps in synthesized flavouring, vitamins and corn syrup. The corn syrup actually stops cornflakes from tasting like a donkey food.   

Result: Regular chomp chomp on corn flakes pump in loads of sugar into your body which in turn switches off the gene (SHBG (sex hormone binding globulin)) that regulates your sex hormones.

Gone, baby, gone.

Microwave Popcorn

microwave-popcorn

While unprocessed popcorn smells all movie-ish and potent, its microwavable counterpart can render you impotent.

There’s a chemical that’s used on the inside of every bag that stops the maize from sticking to the sides. Over time, this chemical decomposes and produces a compound called perfluorooctanoic acid. Then, diacetyl is used as the flavoring agent.

These chemicals are like Friday the 13th for your sperms. They ride on the artificial flavors and colors and preservatives, seek out your sperms, and stealthily and slash and mutilate them. You are wise enough to figure out what could happen if you keep munching this type of popcorn.

BTW, medical pros also have discovered a link between microwave popcorn and liver and prostate cancer.

Fish

fish

Yea, you read that right. Fish.

We’re living in highly toxic waters and here’s what fish get to eat, aside from rotting algae: blast furnace slag, refining discharge, alkali slag, metal dross, human waste, gaseous material and many other nasties.

This may sound palatable to regular dhaba goers like Mayur and Rocky, but is actually poison for sex and life in general.

After death, the fish have to suffer further humiliation in the form of decomposition in Indian fish bazaars.

That’s what goes into your stomach.

But there’s good news for men! Fish actually lowers female libido. Rejoice men! Now you can avoid sex and not get blamed for it!  

Pizza (and other fatty foods like burgers, donuts, etc.)

Look at a pizza, any pizza.

pizza

What does it look like?

In my opinion, a Margherita pizza looks like tomato paste that’s been topped with diarrhea-d bird poop.

Other pizzas look about the same, but they have a sprinkling of veggies or meat on the mess you read about upstairs.

Sorry if I killed your appetite.

Bottomline: Fatty foods kill your libido. Why? Because regular consumption of fatty foods increases the sex-hormone-binding globulin levels in your body, an increase that is compensated by a decrease in testosterone levels.

Guess what drives your sex drive? Testosterone.

But that’s not all. fatty foods clog up arteries and choke blood supply to your private parts, and other organs, thereby dramatically reducing sexual desire and inclination.

What’s more, regular consumption of such foods makes you look as unattractive as hell.

Canned Food & Soup

canned_food

Do you know how canned food is cooked?

In most cases, the food is put into aluminum containers, sealed and cooked to retain the freshness.

Eating it is like riding a bull without wearing anything, save for a G-string.

Heating aluminum lets loose its radicals which then get lodged into the food and contaminate it. Regular consumption of aluminum can even cause Alzheimer’s. Hell, you may even forget to have sex!

Every aluminum can’s inners are lined with a plastic called Bisphenol or BPA. scientists and pest controllers often use small quantities of BPA to assassinate laboratory rats.

What does that make you?

Finally, canned food is packed with sodium (preservative). Excessive intake of sodium increases blood pressure, and high blood pressure can cause death, or worse, impotency.

Well, that was our list. We left it incomplete because we want to write a Part 2. Till then, if you want to lead a wholesome and hectic sex life, keep avoiding the foods mentioned above.

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